Creative Pressure.

We all have heard of creative ruts because we all experience it. I’ve been thinking that I’ve been stuck in a creative rut but nothing that normally helps me get out of that rut was helping. I finally sat down and took time to really think about what has been affecting my creativity and I think I may have figured it out. So, what do I think is going on? Creative pressure. *sighs*

I don’t mean being creative UNDER pressure (you know, like a deadline for a project) because I think that is it’s own category. I mean putting pressure on yourself to be creative and that’s exactly what I’m guilty of. I know I can’t possibly be the only one in my little community struggling with this so I want to be raw and real with you guys and kind of just vent about it.

It’s November but let’s rewind back to JULY. Phew. In July, I started packing for my move from Tennessee to Kansas. I didn’t actually move until mid-August but I had a lot going on (finishing up my masters and graduation and planning and so on) so I wanted to get ahead of the moving as best that I could and start packing, which is great… until you’re in a small apartment with towers of boxes and feeling like there is no end to the clutter because you’ve been packing things for a month now. I know, I know. It sounds dramatic but it was how I was feeling. I pre-filmed and pre-made posts so that with family and friends coming in town and the move right after that, I would be able to still post content. This whole time my mind was in two places at once, finishing up one chapter of my life in Tennessee and starting a new chapter in Kansas. SO, now it is August. I’m in my new place in Kansas and I have the space to have my own office! *cue cheering* I took it slow and focused on getting the house settled and was working behind the scenes as I was in the interview process for a job that was almost too good to be true (plot twist: I got the job if you didn’t know) AND I was taking time to just relax now that I was in one place. The first week of September was when I finally got furniture in my office (a new desk) and was when I unpacked all of my lettering supplies. It was three days short of one month since I had picked up a pen when I finally did. So, why am I blabbing on about this? Because I wanted to emphasize that I had lost my creative routine. Life gets busy but I didn’t realize how distracted I was. I couldn’t believe that it had been that long. However, it has been HARD for me to get back in the swing of things.

Okay, okay. Now that the back story is over, let’s get to the whole point of this blog. Creative pressure. You know, like when someone asks you to come up with a good photo caption or a good wedding hashtag and you panic because you need time to think about it and you can’t force something great to come to mind? It’s like that except LIFE. I couldn’t figure out why I was stuck in a rut. I was being creative at work. I was being creative in so many ways but I wasn’t being creative in the way that I wanted to be. I wanted so badly to create but every time I sat down, I wasn’t really enjoying it and I definitely wasn’t happy with what I was creating. I didn’t feel like I was “forcing” myself because I wanted to do it but yet, there I was after hours of filming and feeling like I had created nothing that I wanted to share. I just couldn’t figure out what was going on. I wasn’t posting very often. I felt bummed because I didn’t participate in most of Lady Boss Lettering. Both of those things meant that I wasn’t on Instagram a whole lot, which meant that I wasn’t interacting with all of my friends and my community. I felt sad because I felt like I was letting all of my followers down by not posting content. CUE THE LIGHT BULB. I mentioned a few times that I was struggling with finding balance. I realized that even though I wasn’t meaning to pressure myself into creating- I kinda was. I had let what probably started as a small rut snowball into something bigger. I assumed that I had just taken too long of a break and I thought I just needed to get back into my routine (and forced myself to do that). Forcing myself to do that was in turn forcing myself to create. I was mad at myself for needing time, for needing to relax, and for not being able to do what I would “normally” do. PLUS, I think that when you have a platform on social media that you have a lot of things going on in your mind at the subconscious level. You want to share positive things. You just want to do what you love. You want to be consistent in those things. You don’t want to complain too much because you think that people follow you to be inspired BUT I think that pushing the negative aside sometimes takes it toll and you don’t even realize it. I mean, look at how long this blog post is getting because I’m finally telling you all this story. HAHA. The truth behind it is that people are inspired when they realize that the person on the other side is just as human as they are. I say that because that’s why I follow the accounts that I do. I love knowing their stories and hearing their “why” and seeing how that translates into what they create. I don’t want to neglect that because I think that honesty inspires people.

I really thought I had finally figured productivity out for myself. I even wrote a blog about it because I had found my formula. WROOOOOOONG. I had my formula for what worked then. My formula is different now. Things are a bit more complex. I’ve got a full-time job, I’m still putting in hours where I can with my part-time job, I’ve got my business, I’m taking care of a house instead of an apartment, I’m living with my boyfriend and we have a dog… Y’ALL. I know that is life BUT that’s a lot of “new” things all at once that I am learning to make my new normal. I was telling myself “Welcome to real life, get with the program” but I didn’t give myself the time I needed to adjust. I think the best way for me to describe is that I had learned to juggle but then instead of adding one extra ball at a time to my jugging, I just added a whole bunch at the same time and decided to figure it out. My life is by no means “hard” but that doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to struggle. (I’m talking to YOU out there, too! Your stress is valid.) I hope this doesn’t come off as complaining and I hope instead it helps one of you say “ahhh, that must be why I feel so overwhelmed” because you’re going through your own life changes, big and small. And those things trickle down and what used to be your relaxation has now become something that just frustrates you and you can’t quite figure out why. I don’t have a good answer on how to fix this and I think that it varies depending on who you are and where the pressure is coming from.

To wrap things up, here’s my apology for not speaking up about life sooner and for the random bursts where I was MIA. I hope that this blog helped at least one of you guys who might be out there staring at a piece of paper or their iPad and wondering why they feel so frustrated, even though their head is filled with creative thoughts. Listen to your body and listen to your mind. Take a break. Don’t force yourself to create. I kept ignoring that little voice that was just tired because of what I WANTED, instead of realizing it was trying to help me do what was NEEDED. I needed to rest the little creative part of my brain that was shriveled up and asking for a break. It can be hard to realize how much you use your creative brain in your every day life when you have an “artistic” creative outlet. I’m not creative only when there is a pen in my hand. I WAS being creative in the other parts of my life but just not in the way that I was used to. I wish I had a new formula that worked for me to share with you guys but I haven’t found it yet. I’m just taking it one day at a time and figuring things out as I go. Although, I’ll tell you that a few naps sure have helped. Thanks for being patient and for all of you who would check in with me after a few days just to make sure I was okay (and for reading this far into this blog post). I’m still here. I’m still Bossy. And I’m just doing the best that I can. Here’s to being human. Until next time, stay bossy y’all.